my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
