Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
