My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
