i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
