That's intense
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
