I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
