Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
a search helicopter?!
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Randomize
