my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
