bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
