This dress was meant to end up on your floor
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize