I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
