i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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