What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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