I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
