Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Randomize
