My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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