Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize