I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
