I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
