The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
