you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
