I'd wear matching sweaters with you
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
3pm strippers are depressing
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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