I'm gonna have a badass scar
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
BRING THE BAGELS
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
