My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Less talking, more tequila
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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