I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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