WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
