how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize