i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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