Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We left an ass print on the piano.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
