that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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