the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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