fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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