My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
oh god the rape fog is back!
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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