My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Little spoons don't ask big questions
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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