fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize