my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
