"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize