I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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