About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
