I smell stomach acid.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
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