god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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