Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
