Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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