so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize