I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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