I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
