I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Randomize
