Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
