Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I know her cup size but not her name....
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
