Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
