Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
