If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
