You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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