You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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