I didn't shave. On purpose
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
