Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(816): View more from Missouri

Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie

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(309): View more from Illinois

I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS

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(516): View more from New York

YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?

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(989): View more from Michigan

Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.

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(206): View more from Washington

Are you high?

(425): View more from Washington

The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear

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(917): View more from New York City

Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days

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(732): View more from New Jersey

When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.

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(509): View more from Washington

Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep

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