I just pynch a tree in the face
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
