Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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