i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
