Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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