He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
home. puking in laundry basket.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
