I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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