my phone needs a breathalizer
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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