i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
