dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
