I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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