he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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