He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
