I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
