I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize