I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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