she kept yelling 'call me bella'
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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