exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
