LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
